It's time to make a change. The more I talk to different types of people, the more I realise how short life is and that one shouldn't remain in a position that makes them unhappy. Whilst I agree that if you can't change something you should change your attitude towards it (which in some cases feels impossible, believe me, I know!), I also think that we should all do what we can to be happy in the NOW.
This weekend I met a lovely lady who is a dear friend of my boyfriend's mum. She seemed to really love my style and over the course of the day discussing various aspects of life, she hammered home to me that I must remain strong and keep my uniqueness and individuality and that life is far too short to be anything but happy. Happiness, of course, is subjective, and one cannot be euphoric constantly - we need the low moments to be able to appreciate the high moments - but for me happiness is a feeling of contentment and peace. I have had fleeting moments of this in my life and am incredibly lucky to have experienced so many more since meeting my boyfriend and having a dog, but of course, I would like to feel at peace the majority of the time.
I am starting to think that (whilst I'm not ancient) I am getting older and I should start ensuring that the rest of my life is as happy and peaceful as it can possibly be, so I need to start making some changes. I need to stop telling myself I can't do things and start having a go, I need to remove toxic people and negative energy from my life. I have a list (albeit a short one) of things I really want to do and there's no reason why I shouldn't try to achieve all of these things.
Watch this space; I might post next week telling you all my black dog has come back out to play or I may tell you that I've managed to put together a modelling portfolio and have perhaps got some work, or that I have completed a novel or been commissioned to make a cake for an event. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, but what I do know is that I need to make my tomorrow be the best it can be without forgetting that it isn't promised and ensuring that I enjoy the peace and contentment I have in my life today.
I hope you can all do the same - do something today that you have always wanted to do; whether it's telling someone you love them, telling someone you don't like the way they speak to you, booking a holiday or speaking to a stranger. It doesn't matter, just embrace life and everything it offers you. It's too short not to.
It has been brought to my attention that my most recent posts have been somewhat sad in nature. As I have said, I tend to find that when I'm in 'crisis' I find it much easier to write - perhaps because I have some source material!
I find that writing when I feel a certain way is a great release for me and I also hope that by putting my thoughts out there in the ether they might be able to help someone else, just by knowing they aren't alone in having dark times.
To that end I have today signed up to become a campaigner for the mental health charity, Mind. I have done a few things for them in the past, most notably raising over £200 by running a half marathon. I feel so passionate about ensuring that mental health conditions are understood and want to assist others through their journeys. There is something so comforting about knowing there are others out there who have a pretty good idea about what you're going through and having someone to talk to. Talking about my issues, I found, was one of the major turning points in finding a way out of my misery.
Those of you who know me may have read a previous blog which documented some of my journey through depression and how dark things got; I'm living and breathing proof there is a way to find a light in the darkness even if I still struggle with it on occasion.
I saw a Victor Hugo quote today which is very apt in this instance; "Whatever causes night in our souls may leave stars". For me, the night that sits in my soul gives me an empathy and want to help other people dealing with their own darkness. That is my small constellation.