In a very short time I will be going back to work, as will many others, but the landscape to which we are returning is vastly different to what we have been used to, and I feel like I will be returning as a vastly different person.
The Coronavirus crisis has decimated so much of what our society has taken for granted for so long and we are all having to change, though I can't help but notice that there are so many people out there who aren't willing to make any changes to their lives. Seeing the devastation of beaches and the amount of fights breaking out across the nation - despite the fact the country is supposed to still be on lockdown - is utterly abhorrent to me and it brings sharply into focus the total mismanagement of this whole situation by our monumentally moronic government. I have always been a person with very low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and a very thin skin, which in my profession probably isn't the best, but it also makes me a very empathetic person who understands others and how to provide a good level of service. Before lockdown, I had found my skin getting a little thicker, but now, at the precipice of jumping back into "regular" life, my confidence has waned to a point where it's so far in the negative, I don't know how I'll balance the scales towards the positive. I have found my anxiety levels sky rocketing each day, constantly worrying about the state of the world and feeling utterly devastated by the amount of people who have been affected by this pandemic. This anxiety has affected so many parts of me, including the resurgence of what I had hoped was long-forgotten adult acne, horrific IBS flare ups and, along with my plummeting self-esteem (which massively impacts how I dress and how I feel about my 'style'), a questioning of who I really am. On the plus side, in having so much time at home, I have found something of an inner spirituality I didn't really know I had. I've been practicing yoga every day and taking long walks and finding myself connecting more with the earth. I've even managed to grow some flowers on our balcony - something I never seemed to have the knack for. But perhaps this is the earth telling us that we need to take better care of her? As utterly hideous this crisis has been, by us not travelling and not polluting in the same way, the earth has started to heal itself, I just hope that she is given more of a chance to continue to do so, but I'm afraid with everyone itching to get back to "normality", so many of us will forget the importance of taking care of our home planet. This is a really terrifying time for me, not only as a business owner, not knowing how the world situation and our mitigation measures will impact our business, but as a human being with stress-related mental health problems. Feeling so unsure of who I was before this, I feel even more unsure as to who I am going into this "new normal" (jeez, I hate that phrase). I can only hope that as this annus horribilis trundles towards a close we all learn to have more respect for our planet and each other. If we've learned nothing else in the last 100+ days, surely we've learned that life is short and that we need to love so much more. Times definitely are a-changing.
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Despite creating this website originally for cakes and bakes, it's been a really fun place to share lifestyle musings. I've never thought of myself as a fashion/style person, I just enjoy clothes and makeup, but recently I've been sharing a lot of that kind of content on my Instagram feed and you guys seem to be enjoying it, so on the back of that (and my #OOTD posts) I thought I would share my April in outfits. I've given all the looks random names (if you know me, you'll know I have a tendency to name absolutely EVERYTHING) and I've linked all the shops I can so you can go and have a look for yourselves! Perhaps this will become a more regular feature? Polka Dot Cotton Top: Collectif Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Beret: Joy Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers Brace Yourself T-Shirt: Unknown Trousers: Collectif Shoes & Head Scarf: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Made for me by Miss Lillian Love Hello Aubergine Def Leppard T-Shirt: Absolute Cult Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Head Scarf & Boots: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers This is Tarta(n) Sweater: Lindy Bop Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Made for Me by Miss Lillian Love Belt: Unknown Come on, Cactus is our Friend T-Shirt: Primark Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Beret: Amazon Rum Punch T-Shirt: Sailor Jerry Skirt & Head Scarf: H & M Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium, Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers & made for me by Miss Lillian Love Barking up the wrong tree T-Shirt: Steady Clothing Skirt: Bright & Beautiful x Collectif Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers Pineapple Express Shirt: Joy Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Shoes & Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium and made for me by Miss Lillian Love A Little Bit Goth Judas Priest T-Shirt: Absolute Cult Skirt: Collectif Head scarf & Boots: Amazon Hair Flowers: Made for me by Miss Lillian Love Booby Trap
T-Shirt: Unknown Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Shoes & Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers
At the moment, I'm in this weird transition between being very 50's and also a little bit "90's metal"; wanting to wear flatform shoes with cleated soles and shit loads of rings (again not conducive to running a restaurant!). With fashion and music being so intrinsically linked and me recently rediscovering my love for bands like Black Sabbath, AC\DC and Motörhead I think this is where this shift is coming from.
I realise also that people who have a very specific style that is all their own are usually people who have a very strong sense of who they are and this is something I don't have; as a person who really struggles with self-love, I've always emulated someone else instead of trying to be true to me (not knowing really who you are or having a sense of self does make that difficult!). Perhaps now is the time to experiment and delve into who I am a little more and see how that reflects in my wardrobe? With all that said, my next post will likely be a selection of outfits of the day! Stay Hep, Cats "We cannot hate ourselves into versions of ourselves we can love". What a quote that is. It truly resonates with me as I realise this is something I've been doing most of my life.
I cannot recall how or when my mental health issues began, only that I can't really remember a time that the black dog wasn't following me in the sinister creeping way that it does. I didn't suffer childhood trauma (although I was bullied at school); I have a very loving family, a wonderful and supportive partner and great friends. To all intents and purposes, I should be a very happy and contented individual. But that is not how depression works, it's isn't how mental health conditions work. Depression doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're young, old, black, white, straight, gay, bi, trans or anything in between. It is a sucking void, a black cloud, a parasite. Society is all too quick to use the terms 'depression', 'anxiety', 'OCD' and 'bipolar' in such flippant ways. I hear people saying "oh my god, I'm so stressed and anxious" or "ugh, I'm so depressed", or "I'm totally OCD about xyz" or even "she's, like, totally bipolar" when its clear that they might just be feeling a little overwhelmed or a bit down, like things a certain way, or, for want of a better word, a bit eccentric. I'm not saying these feelings aren't valid, but what I am saying is that using those terms is both disrespectful and irresponsible. Overuse of these terms begins to render them meaningless. You might be thinking to yourself, "what does this girl know?" Well, I'll tell you, this girl does know. This girl knows the crushing weight of depression and the overwhelming feeling of constant worry that something horrendous is about to happen; that churning feeling in your stomach and the dropping of your heart to the floor every few seconds. But you'll see me walking down the street and have no idea that I used to be heavily medicated for my mental health, had 6 weeks off work due to a minor breakdown, and have contemplated suicide more often than would be considered 'normal' (and don't even get me started on the term 'normal'!). I'm not writing this for your sympathy; I don't need you to say "oh poor girl with her clinical depression, generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder"; I don't need to hear you say "oh I would never have pegged you as someone who had depression" and I definitely don't need to hear you say "can't you just cheer up?". I'm writing this to give you an education and to ask you to be kind. Be respectful of the language you use each day and be respectful of other people. You don't know what a person you see on the street might be going through, so a smile or just a random act of kindness can be the most welcome thing (to anyone, not just someone who might be suffering at that moment). And above all, be kind to all of those people who are currently trying to hate themselves into a version of themselves they can love. Please show your support for World Mental Health day by sharing this post and by choosing kindness even if it's just for this one day. Stay Hep, Cats
John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam and Eric Idle. Also known as Monty Python's Flying Circus.
When I first saw Python, I assumed these hilarious and intelligent men were all really great friends, but this is not the case. Cleese and Chapman met the first time after a Footlights audition; both reeling from embarrassment, went for coffee together. John recalls that he really didn't like Graham at all, but that soon after that they began writing together and that dislike was forgotten. Though I'm not sure it was forgotten forever. Cleese eventually quit the Monty Python team, leaving the remaining 5 to complete the fourth and final series without him. Terry Jones and Michael Palin didn't like Terry Gilliam at all the first time they met him - this is actually one of my favourite stories about their meeting - Gilliam had worked with Cleese previously, and when Gilliam asked Cleese to introduce him to anyone (anyone being the operative word!) in TV, Cleese obliged. Gilliam walked into a meeting with the rest of the Python boys wearing a full-length Afghan coat putting Jones and Palin's noses out of joint. Idle, on the other hand, saw something in Gilliam (and his coat) that he instantly warmed to.
This sketch is actually (allegedly) the reason that we call email and internet rubbish, 'spam'. I for one pretty much know the Dead Parrot sketch backwards, forwards and inside out.
In 1974 after 5 years and 4 series, the Pythons called it a day. They did, however, go on to make their amazingly brilliant films; Holy Grail in 1975, Life of Brian in 1979, and The Meaning of Life in 1983. All of them continued to work with each other in various ways, be it in movies such as Time Bandits, A Fish Called Wanda, Jabberwocky, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen or Brazil (some of these amongst my favourite films of all time) or with writing commitments.
Sadly, a mere 6 years after The Meaning of Life came out, Graham Chapman passed away (died, went to meet his maker, was no more, ceased to be, became a late Chapman) from cancer. Graham really didn't cope well with the life of a Python or with life in general. He finally came out when he was 25, much to the surprise of his fellow Python members (not because they had an issue with him being gay, but because he was always the more rugged one; smoked a pipe, played rugby, climbed trees and mountains etc.), and was an alcoholic. Being a "jovial drunk" (as Barry Cryer described him) it took a very long time for his illness to be discovered. It was, finally, when they were looking for a missing script and Palin, looking in the small suitcase Chapman (or Gray as he was affectionately known) used to carry, found not only the script, but a very LARGE amount of vodka. Chapman told Michael Parkinson, during a 1980 television interview that he was drinking 4 pints of gin a day. He decided to sober up following the making of the Holy Grail and went cold turkey. The Pythons became incredibly popular among the rich and famous; apparently, Paul McCartney would cease recording in order that he could watch, and a fair amount of the budget for Monty Python and the Holy Grail was provided by Pink Floyd, Genesis and Led Zepellin. Elvis Presley apparently loved the movie so much that he could quote the entire movie back to front. He even used the immortal line "it's just a flesh wound" once when he broke his finger.
I could wax lyrical about the Python lads for days on end; I truly love them all and I'm forever grateful for them because of all the joy and laughter they have and will continue to provide, not just to me, but to others. I hope to be able to introduce my niece and nephew to them when they're older and I hope they give them the same mirth and merriment.
So, yes, I want the Pythons at my dinner party. I want to hear more about their relationship; love, hatred, indifference. I want to hear about Michael Palin's trips around the world, I want to talk to Terry Gilliam about art and his movies which I adore, I want to sing and play the guitar with Eric Idle, I want to force John Cleese to do a silly walk and do one of his amazing screamy rants, and I want Terry Jones to do his hilarious striptease with nipple and arse tassels. If Graham Chapman could spend a bit of time too, I'd like him to just stop the whole conversation whilst dressed as a Colonel because it was all just too silly.
I'll leave you with a YouTube video of a small compilation of sketches and I'm off to eat a wafer-thin mint and tell my dog that he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
Stay Hep, Cats |
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