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In a very short time I will be going back to work, as will many others, but the landscape to which we are returning is vastly different to what we have been used to, and I feel like I will be returning as a vastly different person.
The Coronavirus crisis has decimated so much of what our society has taken for granted for so long and we are all having to change, though I can't help but notice that there are so many people out there who aren't willing to make any changes to their lives. Seeing the devastation of beaches and the amount of fights breaking out across the nation - despite the fact the country is supposed to still be on lockdown - is utterly abhorrent to me and it brings sharply into focus the total mismanagement of this whole situation by our monumentally moronic government. I have always been a person with very low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and a very thin skin, which in my profession probably isn't the best, but it also makes me a very empathetic person who understands others and how to provide a good level of service. Before lockdown, I had found my skin getting a little thicker, but now, at the precipice of jumping back into "regular" life, my confidence has waned to a point where it's so far in the negative, I don't know how I'll balance the scales towards the positive. I have found my anxiety levels sky rocketing each day, constantly worrying about the state of the world and feeling utterly devastated by the amount of people who have been affected by this pandemic. This anxiety has affected so many parts of me, including the resurgence of what I had hoped was long-forgotten adult acne, horrific IBS flare ups and, along with my plummeting self-esteem (which massively impacts how I dress and how I feel about my 'style'), a questioning of who I really am. On the plus side, in having so much time at home, I have found something of an inner spirituality I didn't really know I had. I've been practicing yoga every day and taking long walks and finding myself connecting more with the earth. I've even managed to grow some flowers on our balcony - something I never seemed to have the knack for. But perhaps this is the earth telling us that we need to take better care of her? As utterly hideous this crisis has been, by us not travelling and not polluting in the same way, the earth has started to heal itself, I just hope that she is given more of a chance to continue to do so, but I'm afraid with everyone itching to get back to "normality", so many of us will forget the importance of taking care of our home planet. This is a really terrifying time for me, not only as a business owner, not knowing how the world situation and our mitigation measures will impact our business, but as a human being with stress-related mental health problems. Feeling so unsure of who I was before this, I feel even more unsure as to who I am going into this "new normal" (jeez, I hate that phrase). I can only hope that as this annus horribilis trundles towards a close we all learn to have more respect for our planet and each other. If we've learned nothing else in the last 100+ days, surely we've learned that life is short and that we need to love so much more. Times definitely are a-changing.
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Despite creating this website originally for cakes and bakes, it's been a really fun place to share lifestyle musings. I've never thought of myself as a fashion/style person, I just enjoy clothes and makeup, but recently I've been sharing a lot of that kind of content on my Instagram feed and you guys seem to be enjoying it, so on the back of that (and my #OOTD posts) I thought I would share my April in outfits. I've given all the looks random names (if you know me, you'll know I have a tendency to name absolutely EVERYTHING) and I've linked all the shops I can so you can go and have a look for yourselves! Perhaps this will become a more regular feature?   Polka Dot Cotton Top: Collectif Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Beret: Joy Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers  Brace Yourself T-Shirt: Unknown Trousers: Collectif Shoes & Head Scarf: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Made for me by Miss Lillian Love   Hello Aubergine Def Leppard T-Shirt: Absolute Cult Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Head Scarf & Boots: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers    This is Tarta(n) Sweater: Lindy Bop Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Made for Me by Miss Lillian Love Belt: Unknown   Come on, Cactus is our Friend T-Shirt: Primark Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Beret: Amazon   Rum Punch T-Shirt: Sailor Jerry Skirt & Head Scarf: H & M Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium, Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers & made for me by Miss Lillian Love  Barking up the wrong tree T-Shirt: Steady Clothing Skirt: Bright & Beautiful x Collectif Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers  Pineapple Express Shirt: Joy Trousers: Dancing Days by Banned Shoes & Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium and made for me by Miss Lillian Love  A Little Bit Goth Judas Priest T-Shirt: Absolute Cult Skirt: Collectif Head scarf & Boots: Amazon Hair Flowers: Made for me by Miss Lillian Love   Booby Trap T-Shirt: Unknown Skirt: Vivien of Holloway Shoes & Beret: Amazon Hair Flowers: Hair Flower Emporium & Shazam Vintage Hair Flowers    
At the moment, I'm in this weird transition between being very 50's and also a little bit "90's metal"; wanting to wear flatform shoes with cleated soles and shit loads of rings (again not conducive to running a restaurant!). With fashion and music being so intrinsically linked and me recently rediscovering my love for bands like Black Sabbath, AC\DC and Motörhead I think this is where this shift is coming from.
I realise also that people who have a very specific style that is all their own are usually people who have a very strong sense of who they are and this is something I don't have; as a person who really struggles with self-love, I've always emulated someone else instead of trying to be true to me (not knowing really who you are or having a sense of self does make that difficult!). Perhaps now is the time to experiment and delve into who I am a little more and see how that reflects in my wardrobe? With all that said, my next post will likely be a selection of outfits of the day! Stay Hep, Cats "We cannot hate ourselves into versions of ourselves we can love". What a quote that is. It truly resonates with me as I realise this is something I've been doing most of my life.
I cannot recall how or when my mental health issues began, only that I can't really remember a time that the black dog wasn't following me in the sinister creeping way that it does. I didn't suffer childhood trauma (although I was bullied at school); I have a very loving family, a wonderful and supportive partner and great friends. To all intents and purposes, I should be a very happy and contented individual. But that is not how depression works, it's isn't how mental health conditions work. Depression doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're young, old, black, white, straight, gay, bi, trans or anything in between. It is a sucking void, a black cloud, a parasite. Society is all too quick to use the terms 'depression', 'anxiety', 'OCD' and 'bipolar' in such flippant ways. I hear people saying "oh my god, I'm so stressed and anxious" or "ugh, I'm so depressed", or "I'm totally OCD about xyz" or even "she's, like, totally bipolar" when its clear that they might just be feeling a little overwhelmed or a bit down, like things a certain way, or, for want of a better word, a bit eccentric. I'm not saying these feelings aren't valid, but what I am saying is that using those terms is both disrespectful and irresponsible. Overuse of these terms begins to render them meaningless. You might be thinking to yourself, "what does this girl know?" Well, I'll tell you, this girl does know. This girl knows the crushing weight of depression and the overwhelming feeling of constant worry that something horrendous is about to happen; that churning feeling in your stomach and the dropping of your heart to the floor every few seconds. But you'll see me walking down the street and have no idea that I used to be heavily medicated for my mental health, had 6 weeks off work due to a minor breakdown, and have contemplated suicide more often than would be considered 'normal' (and don't even get me started on the term 'normal'!). I'm not writing this for your sympathy; I don't need you to say "oh poor girl with her clinical depression, generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder"; I don't need to hear you say "oh I would never have pegged you as someone who had depression" and I definitely don't need to hear you say "can't you just cheer up?". I'm writing this to give you an education and to ask you to be kind. Be respectful of the language you use each day and be respectful of other people. You don't know what a person you see on the street might be going through, so a smile or just a random act of kindness can be the most welcome thing (to anyone, not just someone who might be suffering at that moment). And above all, be kind to all of those people who are currently trying to hate themselves into a version of themselves they can love. Please show your support for World Mental Health day by sharing this post and by choosing kindness even if it's just for this one day. Stay Hep, Cats Earlier this week, I asked on social media if any of you would be interested in tutorials etc. You seemed pretty keen, and I posted a little Instagram story of how I do my every day make up. A lot of you watched (thank you!), so I thought I would post it here so you can look at it properly without the clock ticking! I will try to put together a timelapse style video of this also to post in the near future so you can see exactly how I apply everything. I start with a cleansed and moisturised face (I am in the process of putting together a post about the products I use, so stay tuned for that!), and once I've done my hair ready for the day, I start my make up. Don't ask me why I do it like this, I just do...
Now the 'face' is done, I can move on to the eyes, so next up is brows. If you all thought I was naturally ginger, you would sadly be mistaken. I, therefore, need to create the illusion that my hair and eyebrows are actually the same colour... Enter, Bleach London Louder Powder. I'd been looking for the perfect shade of orange to use on my brows forever and then happened upon this on a lunchtime wander around Superdrug. It was like choirs of angels were singing and all was suddenly right with the world. It is very highly pigmented, so, like everything else, a little goes a long way. I apply it using a small angled brush. It's joyous.
Once my lips are on, I feel completely put together (or as put together as one can) and can go to work feeling like I have one less thing to worry about!
So there we have it, my every day make up. It takes about 10-15 minutes to do it all (depending on how distracted I am in the morning either by social media, Duolingo [I'm using it to learn French at the moment] or the dog!) so all pretty straightforward. I hope this was enjoyable and informative, and if anyone gets the band reference from the title, you get a gold star! Stay Hep, Cats |
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